Wednesday, 12 August 2009


Dearest Sir

May I, with unreserved enthusiasm - nay, unbridled ecstasy - convey my unsolicited approval and heart-felt gratitude for your magnanimous invite to spend my already severely limited free time in your company, on a company "do", outside of company time. Planning such formal informal events - the laborious consultation, checking of prior engagements and schedules, forming a consensus, etc. - is an unwelcome inconvenience, time waste and an aching bore; therefore I understand the necessity of your forgoing the mere pleasantries of soliciting opinion or consent with respect to the aforementioned.

Unfortunately, I do not have a partner or "significant other" - as per your more than generous invite - who would be willing to make the sacrifice on a pro bono basis and hiring one for a whole day is beyond my modest means, but do not worry - I'm sure you wont - I will be more than willing to "grin and bare it" alone (a delightful "chore" to be sure nonetheless :-)

Just one small thing, unfortunately I may be ten minutes late, as that very morning I am rostered to take charge of locking-up after early practice at my local gun club. I regret that I have not the preternatural power of prescience which would have permitted me to avoid such a clash outside of normal office hours. I hope you can find it in your fair but robustly pragmatic heart to forgive me this - ONLY SEEMINGLY - minor aberration in my unswerving record of fidelity to the company, which I otherwise place beyond any personal interests, happiness, minor discomfort and/or major organ malfunction.

Despite what I know must APPEAR as a disappointing "nibbling" at the hand that feeds, I will do my utmost to make sure we will all have a "barrel of laughs" and that for me, at least, a day I will never forget and, no doubt, have a long time to reflect on in solitude.

I aim to please only.

Yours, as ever, in dutiful faith


PS. I'll never stop believing.

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