Sunday, 31 January 2010

Narcissism: no reflection on you

Don't let the glasses fool ya.


Which Doctor?

Hard to swallow: spin-dry

Let me be your intellectual fluffer. I'll blow your mind's pants.


As your PFI interdepartmental consultant, and executive NCO quango liaison officer, I think we can synergise and reconceptualise tax collection with "lifting". I like to think of it as "up-lifting" - wealth redistribution without the spin. Here's how it works. Busy people are busy, that's why they're busy. They don't have time to pay their taxes, look after the kids and take Johnny to oboe classes. Something has to give, that is, be taken. That's why we employ pickpockets, who we shall rehabilitate though upward notional transformation and horizontal democratic mobilisation working with the urban grain; in other words, a convenient collection agency that works with and for the community. Up-lifters. Think. Agents who reach into other people's pockets so they don't have to; saving the up-liftee's time and effort, as well streamlining their busy schedules so they can be even more economically vibrant and, therefore, more giving to our taking. More importantly. Catylisation.

In the ensuing silence, Joe Kerr Jr straightened his dickie.

The three 'W's

It's not when who's you how, it's how's you who and where.

Go on.

I dare.


Monday, 25 January 2010

Marketing missive

Re: the two business card designs: I don't know; it's difficult because I'm not really the demographic that would pick up this kind of business card and think "that's my kind of thing" - as you well know; even if it had the well-preserved Claudia Schiffer in her bathing thong on it. I can't spot any typos, though, strictly speaking, when you use proper names, they should be capitalised; however, in adverting, not capitalising makes text look more friendly and informal. The impression I get from the images: well, they look like corporate adverts selling Microsoft products or computer chips - not sure that's a bad thing per se. On the first card, I would not repeat the use of "in". When you are dealing with a limited number of words, repetition is more obvious; sometimes this is an advantage; others it isn't. Re: the images themselves; focusing on the second - the woman dressed in the suit sitting on the sand next to the ocean; we know her bottom's wet; we know she knows this, but, nonetheless, remains unperturbed (calm). She is finely manicured: attention to detail. The jacket doesn't fit - deliberately so, emphasising her cleavage; so, even though she's wearing a suit and glasses (think: business) we still know, under that, under the traditional male garb, she's a still a woman. The second image: guy, nice fitting suit, sitting lotus fashion on mountain top - probably a little vain - looks like his hair is died (highlights?) and uses "product". The knot in his tie is relatively thick - fashionable - but not OTT a la the deceased footballer and gay icon, David Beckham. However, is someone that spends that much time deliberately fashioning themselves, someone who works as a high-powered exec or simply a male model that gets to wear well-tailored suits and sit on rocks in an ersatz mediative mode? Again, I don't know: I'd use your own image working with a client, because this is what they will get; think: you staring into the distance a la Wittgenstein; use some reassuring mumbo-jumbo tag line ("does what it says on the tin") - having said that, the images you use also speak "ambition" / "aspiration" / "work life balance" - which speaks to me: high-end. And may be you pitched this right. I'd canvas some more opinions on this; think: focus groups. Anyway, good luck with your consultancy start-up.

Friday, 15 January 2010

Troll Infiltration Theory (or the metaphysics of TITs)

[W]e suggest a distinctive tactic for breaking up the hard core of extremists who supply conspiracy theories: cognitive infiltration of extremist groups, whereby government agents or their allies (acting either virtually or in real space, and either openly or anonymously) will undermine the crippled epistemology of believers by planting doubts about the theories and stylized facts that circulate within such groups, thereby introducing beneficial cognitive diversity.

Cass R. Sunstein and Adrian Vermeule, "Conspiracy Theories: Causes and Cures". (J. Political Philosophy, 7 (2009))

I think they're trying to say - in a uniquely annoying way - that the government should employ real trolls and virtual trolls (not that they don't already, in case you hadn't noticed (hey! that sounds extremely like a conspiracy theory, don't it?)). But there's nothing new about the concept of "cognitive infiltration" or, as I like to think of it, the good professors' silly and egregious rehash of propaganda theory. Or is there? May be the idea that you could use cognitive infiltration is itself a kind of cognitive infiltration, i.e. they break into your mind by making you think they can break into your mind: a kind of meta-infiltration technique using reverse - "backward engineered" - infiltration psychology. Or some such piffle and balderdash.

... have I broken you yet?

For more Goebelizing see: A Strategy of Terror.

Remember: It's not really paranoia if they're virtually out to get you.

And, for the record: there is no necessitating a priori fact that rules out the existence of conspiracies, indeed, the above quoted paper suggests that the government, or their privatized intelligence "allies", should actually engage in them, and especially considering the entitlement to free speech. Just a free thought.

Yellow Cake
The Gulf of Tonkin Incident
Operation Gladio
Bay of Pigs Invasion
Savings and Loans
The Kuwaiti Incubator Baby Hoax
The Bank Bailout

...and so on.

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Not to be confused with Sigmund

I take little delight in openly mocking and humiliating my staff here at Unlikely Solution Ltd, and, of course, by that I mean I take great delight in the subliminally sneering and subtlety snide craft of belittlement. The artfully muttered part-phrase “ ... as a chocolate fire-guard” or “ ... run a chip shop” or “ ... in a brewery” requires the target subject to subject themselves to the humiliation of mentally supplying the rest of insult, thus adding insult to, well, insult. I believe German engineers have a technical term for this style of management: Schadenfreude.

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

Two's Company

The executive escort "lady" - and I use that term advisedly - gurned erratically in response to Alpha-Alpha's "jokes" - again, I use that term advisedly - in the manner that bespoke: (a) chemical abuse; and/or, (b) mental illness. He feared it was the double whammy. However, the company card guaranteed refund in case of damaged goods. Nothing worse than splashing out on disappointment.