Saturday, 15 August 2009

Head & shoulders

A man strides purposefully into our offices here at Unlikely Solutions Ltd., stops at your desk and holds a gun to your weak temple. He then commands you to find a way to defend yourself in the next thirty seconds, without moving out of your comfy seat, or he'll blow your pathetic little head clean off your undeserving shoulders. What do you do QT?

Well, Alpha-Alpha, I got to say, I'd offer him an Unlikely Solution (TM).

Good. Very good. Go on. Expand.

I'd ask him if I could borrow his gun for the next twenty-four seconds.

Excellent: your survival is unlikely.

Can I ask why you're asking me this Sir?

Just updating the company insurance documentation. It's all routine. Nothing to worry about. Now run along QT. Time is of the essence.

Essence of what Sir?

If you have time to ask, it's already too late: the enemy have just stepped over your dead body and are about to enter your house and rape your family.

But I don't own a house and my family are all dead.

Then they'll rifle your pockets and turn to necrophilia.

But then it would be academic, since I would no longer be around to ...

The point is QT, that you don't let it get past the first stage.

You mean break into their houses and rape their families first?

Yes! Yes! By Jove! You've got it ... QT, why are you holding a gun to my head?

If you have to ask ...

Oh, I know, it's already too ...

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