Road worthy

I eventually came to the realisation that I don't belong behind a wheel when, at the start of my driving lesson, I would have to remind myself of "left" and "right" by pretending to write and then would still end up confused. It didn't help when I explained to my driving instructor that "left" and "right" are relational and not absolute concepts, since space cannot be defined independently of concrete objects. Such metaphysical musings had little impact on my instructor as he was more concerned about the length of school girls' skirts and - in the the unlikely event that I met his wife - I should avoid bringing up this tendency in polite conversation.

My instructor also sported a late-70's-early-80's mustache a la Burt Reynolds; I feel I should mention that in deference to full disclosure.

Officer.