Infinite density

When we approach the speed of light - as we reach towards infinite mass - time slows down. Now, in theory, if we could exceed the speed of light, time reverses.

E = MC[2]. Where "E" is energy; "M" is mass, and "C" is the constant denoted by the speed of light.

Einstein.

Here's a radical theory ladies and gentlemen: as we get fatter and fatter, we get slower and slower.

And, as we get even fatter and fatter yet, time spreads even thinner and thiner. Yet further still, at some point, we will be close to temporal seizure.

Now, moving beyond the obesity epidemic, my friends, I contend, this is not the time to stop.

Eating.

By continuing eating - food equals energy - we approach infinite mass and, health warnings, surpass: we move into reverse - we get thinner and thiner as we move back in time and our metabolism speeds up.

There! By overeating we can reverse time, as well as weight gain.

Did I mention the eternal youth spin-off benefits?

Don't forget to enjoy the all-you-can-eat buffet after the show.