Thursday, 16 December 2010

Seasonal sensitivities

It is a little know fact – no doubt due to the historical eraser of political correctness – that the modern day phenomenon of carol singers has its roots in pagan suicide bombers who objected to the early Christians co-opting their winter solstice celebrations with the more commercially minded re-branding as “Xmas”. Today, the aural terror they strike in the hearts of the tonally acute, together with the practice of ducking behind the sofa when they come knocking at your door, are the only remnants of this once radical tradition.

Additionally, this also explains the forgotten role of the "Christmas Cracker", which originally packed a more explosive surprise, though its frequent failure to produce a "crack" when "pulled" remains oddly persistent. It is thought this latter fact was instrumental in the demise of the pagans, however their ritualistic guise is sometimes affected by present-day suburbanites as a way to counteract - introduce "edge" to - or "sex up" their otherwise generally perceived social blandness and intellectual mediocrity.

See also: "Harry Potter".

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