Has Bean

A short lunchtime story by QT Esquire

Dad pulled back the easy-open ring on the tin lid. You know dad, I remember when you had to use a tin opener. All that fuss. All those raggedy razor edges. So easy to cut yourself. Now everything's so safe. And easy. Like a dead metaphor. It was at that moment I caught the glint in my dad's eye. Something of his old self. Returned? Dad proceeded to decant the beans from the tin over his head and then, quick as a flash, he began to slash the rather blunt lid edge into my jugular. I could hear him shouting ... laughing? ... something about stopping writing fucking bean stories you little shit ... don't you know you're dying ...this is it ... no more paragraphs or punctuation ... the end ... now has bean.

Epilogue: It took several burly men with tazers to drag my dad off. The doctor said it was a close thing. And if I'd lost any more red sauce ... well, I'd have bean toast.

Post Epilogue: Guess what the nurse brought me for my lunch ... ?