Monday, 8 June 2009

The fish in the sea are not thirsty

I have four messages for you all.

Pay careful heed to each one individually, and at the same time, collectively.
  • There are no fish in the sea.
  • By the year 2065 everyone will be dead.
  • Have your day in the sun while you still can.
  • Don't give it a second thought. No, really. Don't.
How do we get people's attitudes and behaviours to change? More specifically, with regard to the perennial issue of climate change, especially since it has already changed, and there doesn't seem a damned thing we can do about it. But why let the irreversible facts get in the way of empowering people to at least think they can, through an open and honest one-way, multi-media enriched, nodal dialog? The key is in the last message: "don't give it a second thought" - by the time you've grasped it; asked yourself "why not?" you've already given it another thought. That's real attitudinal change people, and the effort was so small as to be almost involuntary; now you can walk away knowing that, you've at least done the least something.

People. People. It's a people thing. And here at Unlikely Solutions Ltd, as those of you have lasted long enough not to get fired will most probably already certainly know, we're all about people who are about people, especially those people in government agencies with money - our money strictly speaking - to burn. We achieve what those government agencies could never get away with themselves, without outsourcing the message-conveyance mechanism to a company with independent sector expertise authority. The kind of expertise authority that can use adjectives to make people feel important, whole, understood and even loved, without actually describing, in a committal-like statement, anything such as an idea, plan of action or wotnot that could later be used against you by, say, an angry, disenfranchised mob of voters. This is, after all, a post-democracy democracy.

So, there you have it people, a promo glimpse of our next awareness raising campaign for the government Depart for Positive Mental Attitude, PMS for short.

Speech over, everyone back to your adjustable workspace-interface modules.

Except you QT, get your fanny in my office. Now. Pronto.

Shut the privacy enabling device behind you.


Shut it.

So, what do you think?

That’s a bit of a – I don’t know – scary message: we're all dead in like fifteen years? .. have a nice day?

That’s the brilliance of it: the boffin-facts actually suggest we’ll all be dead by 2055, but there’s no point unnecessarily alarming people now. It’s all about impact QT. Impact is hugely important. If I tell you I’m going to hit you in the face; then immediately hit you in the face. I’ve lost the element of surprise. However, if I tell you I’m going to hit you in face in ten minutes time, and then hit you in the face five minutes early, I’ve got the message across without loosing any of the impact. Capeesh?

Not sure I follow the logic: why not just hit me in the face and not warn me about it?

Look, you're a nice man, as far as cretins go, but this is why I am the successful owner of a successful business and you have to lay prostate before my higher intellect and superior know-how. We want people to feel like they've changed their attitudes without having to make the effort; not spontaneously empty their bowels, quit their job, sell their home and move to the Mountain Zone, knowing they've got five years left on this godforsaken dust ball. Ten years is an improbably long time for most people to conceive, that together with the mutated spermatozoon problem thing. Yeah, we're all going to die in ten years time, hmmm, can't really see myself in ten years time - but it's something to think about innit? says Joe-public to themselves. I added an extra five years for insurance. There's always an Alec. Nobody likes an Alec, especially when they're smart.

And QT, shut the privacy enabling device behind you when you leave.


Wait! Phone Pop-Pop and tell him I will be requiring the services of Paco-Paco tonight. Not a mention of this to my Muff-Muff. On the QT, if you catch my drift.

Straightaway Master Alpha-Alpha, after I've changed my slacks.

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