Friday, 25 June 2010

A sideways look

Lurid scenes of ill-fitting parcel-string-thin Day-Glo swimwear cleaving rubbed-raw radiation-red flesh.

Two eyes attached to two stalk-like protrusions emerged from the shallows and swivelled to survey the sordid Miami beach panorama. One might liken them to periscopes. And that summation would be correct for that's, exactly, what they were. If one could have seen, submerged below the surface, the crab-like creature to which these swivelling recording devices were attached, one might have mistaken it for a crab. But it was not a crab. Instead, it was a carefully constructed vehicle made to look, to casual and not-so casual observer, like a crab. It was, in fact, a highly sophisticated underwater observation craft, or submarine if you will, encased within a crustacean exoskeleton camouflage. Whatever the ancient hidden underwater intelligence operating said craft, it would be fair to assume that whatever report it relayed back to base – taking into account the beach occupants to be generally representative of the rest of the land dwellers – would not necessarily be favourable.

Decades later, the crab-like creature returned, calling itself “Sammy the Crab” and joined a pop group as lead singer.

"I just want to subvert people's expectations of what a crustacean represents" he would say in media interviews.

His fame spread like cancer.

He later died a shell of his former self.

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